le Charles Borchert

Puzzle Quest Over

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 04:35:32 GMT

Wow. I want to fall asleep forever.

A gazillion hours of puzzle design. Many days preparation and planning and coordination. Reworking of puzzles, writing of scripts, photoshopping nonstop, re-reworking of puzzles, playtesting, calculation of tiny details, extended discussion of minute details, fighting over microscopic details, and finally re-re-reworking of puzzles and...

And finally the event came.

The MN0PQ6 (mnzero.org) event that I, Gut, and Willson prepared (with much much help from others) happened today. 13 teams showed up, with 50 players in total, much of them playing for a grueling 8 hours in South Minneapolis (near the recent tornado damage).

It went well. No major disasters. People seemed to have fun, despite losing energy over the course of the marathon puzzle session. Several teams solved my ridiculously devious multi-part puzzle without any hints. Some people were completely taxed by it. Some people liked my other puzzles too. And that makes me happy. Really happy.

I am too tired to write nicely now, but I feel a sense of accomplishment that I haven't felt in a long while. Joblessness and school-lessness would have something to do with it. But I'm glad that even in this rut of a time in my life, I'm able to tap into a community of creativity, invention, and fun, and to be able to make a little something to be momentarily proud of.

I'm thankful for these connections in my life, who provide persistent inspiration, imagination, wonder, enlightenment, revelry, and comfort. Thank you.

And in less general terms, thank you the many people who helped us put this event on, the many people who showed up and played our game, and the many many other people who inspire such wanton creation.

Online Puzzles

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 07:36:52 GMT

So, the logic puzzles I made last week have been applet-ized.
You can play them online with friendly colors! Like some sort of, like, logic puzzle flash game or something. Only with fewer explosions and less dead animal humor.
Awesome!
Play them at this very link down where it says 'applet' . Perhaps it will be more understandable/fun. Also, you don't need to print the puzzles out to do them now. Yay! Also, start from the end, they are more fun. (?)

Great Job!

Puzzles

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 09:03:27 GMT

So for the past few months I've been spending some of my free time working on a type of logic puzzle (like, say, Sudoku), based on a conversation with Gut about making games from digital electronic logic. I've worked on it enough, written some computer programs to help me make them, and I'm ready to release a pack of puzzles for 'play-testing'. I went through them and tested them out and determined them to be the type of thing that I like. Other people are still a mystery.

If any of you are interested in this type of nerdy thing, I encourage you to check it out and give me some feedback. Any feedback whatsoever.

You can check it all out at this _here_. There are instructions there, but if the rules are still unclear, I can be more explicit about hints and tutorials.

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 06:04:02 GMT

Tonight I got to watch the results of '24 Hour Theater' at the U of M.
Participants got together on friday night and broke into several teams and wrote scripts for 12 hours. Then at 8am this morning, each team got actors and a director. Then at 8pm the show started. The teams' theater thingies were each 15 to 20 minutes or so. And they were all fantastic and fun.
My brother Willson cowrote for one of the teams, and also prop-wrangled for it. It got wild applause when it concluded. I think he and his team did a great job, and that's awesome.

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:01:34 GMT

For the last few hours I've been watching the live proceedings of the Minnesota canvassing board, workign their magic on the coleman/franken contested ballots. While mind-numbing at times, it's kind of got a pleasant hypnotic quality that works well in the background. It's kind of fun, because all of the ballots are bizarre in some way. There are works of art, people trying to use circles and vote for the 'Obama-McCain' ticket, various methods for x-ing things out, and votes for Don Johnson.

One rule that has come up is the 'Lizard People' rule: if you write in a candidate, and do NOT vote for the candidate you write in and instead vote for another, it counts as an overvote. So once you write something in, it counts as a vote, which I think is dumb, but understandable. But I think it's just a sad day for smartasses who think they can treat their ballot as something on which they can write something clever.

It's quitting time for the day, and the official tally has Coleman up by an impressive 5 votes. Wild.

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:33:49 GMT

... I don't know what this feeling is.

But it ain't bad.

Food oughta make a good autumn bake

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 08:45:57 GMT

Whelp, being home has brought me: off of the internet. Kind of. Also: lazy. It's been a joy partying up and going to weddings and reading books and playing piano and hanging out with buddies. But now is the time for acting more responsibly: looking for a job. Also: money.

I'm leaving tomorrow for my East Coast Extravaganza: New York with parents, New Haven with Laura and EP, then Boston with the japanese bilingual jobfair thing (for which I have not, so much, prepared). I have not been to any of these cities, which makes the thing extra exciting. Also: New York!

I return one day before the election. Perhaps the good times may continue with that historic occasion, dare I venture to suggest (wouldn't that feel so good?).

I wish you all a fantastic turning over of the trees, because if we all don't appreciate it, who will? Also: apple pie to the max!

Another favorite author gone

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 07:42:24 GMT

Shit.

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 04:51:14 GMT

Huh.

Well, I was away from livejournal long enough that my friends page doesn't go back early enough for me to catch up. Internet Negligence or A Step In The Right Direction?

The reason for my internet absence was that my rascally cousin talked me into going to Burning Man with him. And then after I got back, delightfully, I had forgotten a lot of my internet habits.

So: it was awesome to the max. More explosions and lasers and dust storms and naked people and animal-shaped cars and domes and friendly people and dust storms and glowing things and fire dancers and drums and dust storms than I've ever seen in a short amount of time. The combined effect is hard to describe, so I pretty much won't try, though I feel compelled in my bones. (I mean, there were GINGERBREAD PEOPLE and there was a floating ELVIS CAR and there was a burning eiffel tower and glow-in-the-dark puppeteers and parachuting flares and... and...)

But yeah, I came back very dirty, my skin very damaged, and once again experiencing culture shock.

Now I'm already part of the way into Wed-tember. Too many people getting married. Err, I mean, Wonderful: so many people getting married! =)

And I haven't found me a Next Job yet. Laziness is overwhelming.

Going out to vote today actually turned out to be the only thing passing for activity on my part. Sad.

thoughts on Batman

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:29:25 GMT

I'm unable to see Batman until after I return home, because Batman doesn't like Asia or something. I hate you all and I'm going to cry myself to sleep, thinking of how much fun you all are having watching Batman 4-8 times per day, laughing it up with your Batman mcdonalds happy meals and whatever other amazing product tie-ins you get, and watching your Batman on your HBluRayDVDRs, and saying all the hilarious movie catch phrases to each other, and making comical youtube edit dubs of the scene where Morgan Freeman dresses up in the Batman suit, and...

All in all, I give it a 5. =D

but seriously, at least from outside of the spoiler areas of people's entries, it looks like it's gonna be a pretty okay flick. So it's another thing to be excited about for when I come home!

Neal Stephenson where you at?

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:04:46 GMT

Pleasant surprise!
Just found out that this exists and will be in my hands in less than two months. Weeeeee!

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 19:36:34 GMT

Another one of those days where it payed to ignore that voice in my head that says 'go back to the apaartment'. After saying goodbye to my friend Sumin (who I seriously expect will succeed in her goal of becoming a television journalist), I found myself wandering around, planless, in the most popular party area.
As usually happens after I part ways with friends and my system is tainted with alcohol, I got a little mopey.
But, there was a nice place to sit on a wooden plank in a high traffic area, and I listened to depressing classical music and watched people walk by. This instead of going home. Or before going home.

Anyways, not twenty minutes went by before a nice couple sat nearby and struck up a conversation. Turns out they were swingers! And I jumped in a taxi with them, for destination unknown!

...okay, they actually were swing-dancers, and the destination was a cosy bar/cafe called 'Aquarium' that was throwing a party. There, a korean rapper made some awesome performances, sitting on stage next to his beatboxist. He rhymed a lot of things about me that I did not understand. And then he asked me questions during his song, etc. Embarrassing fun.

Ah the dubious comfort and semi-acceptance of embarrassing spectacle. I wish I could get doses of this at home.

*

oh, and tomorrow: google puzzle championship! wpc.puzzles.com! I might be puzzling at 2am in the morning!

Protest Real Time Strategy

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 08:42:09 GMT

So ever since I started embedding myself in the massive protests here these past few weeks, I've been amazed at the interplay between the (rather organized and laptop carrying) protesters, and their police force opponents. The protesters want to swarm the Blue House (the korean equivalent of the White House). The policemen need to set up strategic bus barricades and stop the protesters from getting through, but also try not to kill anyone.
I thought immediately of Real Time Strategy games, and scenes from Lord of the Rings, after watching both teams make adjustments to their techniques.
(For example,
day one: the protesters start to bring ladders to climb the buses en masse
next day: the police set up makeshift walls on top of the buses
next day: the protesters bring rope to pull the walls off
next day: the police get giant snippers to cut ropes when they come)

It's fun, even though obviously it's not an actual game per se. But what I mean to say is, it could make a cool game.

Well, I'm not the only one who thought that. This korean guy made a picture of the territory for tonight's protest here.
It's funny for many reasons. The shipping containers are a new development.

Note: 2MB is the nickname of president Lee Myongbak (LeeMB -> (Lee = i = 2 in Korean)-> 2 MB. He originally had been given the nickname a long time ago as a compliment. But recently thanks to data inflation, it is used with derision.

Tonight looks to be another record-breaking crowd. 300,000~ is a figure being bandied about, since today is the anniversary of a famous protest.

Happening times!

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:25:05 GMT

Hmmm. I think my roommate has found himself in a dispute with some local neighborhood community group. Old school guys. Maybe kind of a gang.

Yesterday, I answered the door to a confused-looking duo of goons. They both were surprised, I said 'hey, what's up?'. They seemed to have the wrong apartment, from the looks on their faces, so I slowly closed the door on them, locked it, and went back to bed. Then an hour later, there was louder knocking at the door. And some yelling in korean. I got a phone call from my roommate asking me if I was okay. Huh? Then he told me "never answer the door". How did he know? Was this something about the zoning inspectors again?

I went to sleep thinking it was silly. My roommate got home at around 4am with his friend, a tv producer who is staying in the apartment this week.

Today, my roommate told me about the situation. I guess a neighborhood thug (basically just an old traditional guy who thinks that respect must be paid for age, time in the community, etc.) has been threatening him for the past few days. My roommate, since he does not really live in town, has not attended some neighborhood meetings, or something. And this has brought anger and threats from said old-school thug. So last night, my roommate met with his friend at the prosecutor's office and got some info on this character. This afternoon, my roommate made calls to some organizations, resulting, I hear, in some punishment to the offending harasser.

I told my roommate after hearing this that it would surely have one of two effects.

Well, it turns out to be the second one. My roommate just got a message from an unlisted number telling him to 'come home early'. I'm at work right now with him, still. I might convince him to call for a police escort or something. The more I hear about the situation, the more I don't want to walk home alone.

I seriously doubt I will come to actual harm. But I started thinking about the situation in reverse. If I was from some foreign country and went to work in America, and was faced with a similar situation, it would be pretty darned scary. There's vulnerability, I realize it now. Especially without full command of the language. Even if I called the police, could I tell them what happened? Could I tell them where I am? If I went missing who could find me? Most of my fears are based in this strange zone, where I combine images I've seen on The Sopranos with the images of drunken guys fighting in the streets I've seen here.

Worst case, maybe I'll get a nice pummeling. I mean, there's basically no guns here, thank goodness, so I'm safe there. And I don't really expect to be knifed either, but probably just because I've never seen a knifing before. Moreover, even if I do get pummeled, there's a great hospital within crawling distance.

Oh, but when I did answer the door yesterday, the look of confusion on the goons' faces was pretty priceless. If I were a little more intimidating, perhaps I could take advantage of my status as a creepy alien. Yell at them in english, or something. I could threaten to call in my nonexistent GI buddies. Sadly, whatever element of surprise I once had is gone now, since they know about me.

We shall see what happens tonight! Wish me survival! =)

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 04:13:14 GMT

Yay!

Korea part 5

Mon, 26 May 2008 16:46:11 GMT

The Spring time is many things. A new semester is in full swing! Flowers are back! PEOPLE are back. Festivals at every opportunity!

I returned to Korea just in time to miss the last of the Spring Blossoms, supposedly the most beautiful time of the year. But it was worth it to spend a few weeks at home and attend my sister's lovely wedding. In any case: though I did miss the 'best' blossoms, I was nonetheless quite amazed at how many flowers polluted the city. There were lilacs everywhere, which provided a nice perfume blocking the usual city smells. And many many shades of reds and pinks and purples to be found. It's this kind of colorful stimulus that I love about springtime.

I've now spent about a half of a year in Korea, which is quite long. It's been hard to think of what to write because I feel pretty well adjusted; nothing seems that strange or notable anymore. So I'll try here to think of things that I now take for granted, which would have felt completely strange to me before I came here:

[There is always tissue available at every table of every restaurant]
The reasons for this are various, but they mostly boil down to one thing. Korean food will make liquid emit from you face: out of your nose, eyes, cheeks. And not just _some_ foods. Every meal has some component to it that is designed to do this, something that has just the right spice or spice-like ingredient. Even foreign foods are all modified, in subtle and not so subtle ways, to spice you up --the spaghetti sauce is spiked with pepper, or for some ridiculous reason there is wasabi hidden inside of the pizza crust . And if the main course is too bland, look around. There's probably an accompanying side dish of raw jalapenos or something, or perhaps the soup is deceptively mild-looking but actually packs a bite. Additionally, food will often be served extremely hot (rice served in stone bowls, still cooking as you eat it; soup still boiling; meat sizzling and spitting on the grill in front of you). This allows for yet more kinds of damage to the system. The lesson to take from this: the food here will not sit idly by. There is a culturally agreed upon guarantee that your dinner will inflict some kind of damage on you -be it overtly physical, or simply emotional. The food will transform you.
An accompanying feature is that there are always sweet pickles and kimchi available. The former to cool you down from the spiciness, and the latter to warm you back up.

[the ham is NOT ham]
I went out with some coworkers one night, and they purchased some snacks. One such snack Sungkwon referred to as 'ham'. It was a plastic-wrapped sausage-shaped tube with metal binders on the ends. When opened, the contents were an entirely white cheese-like stick. "It's ham," Sungkwon says. I'm doubtful. "All kids eat this, it's got lots of calcium." It was definitely not ham, I knew that much. After unfortunately consuming one of these treats, I'm fairly certain it's just ground up fish bones.

[people will sell things anywhere]
On the street: there's always little pieces of jewelry or sweatpants, or bootleg dvds or food to buy on the street, outside of any major station. Also, less frequently but still amazing, there will be guys that will walk along subway trains and make very loud sales of whatever it is they happen to be carrying. I've seen guys selling umbrellas, which is pretty clever to do when it's raining. More mysterious items are sold, though, like boxes of 500 bandaids. And there's always a taker too, some guy who knows right then that what he needs is a box of bandaids on the way home. There's also pretty efficient panhandling on the train. The train takes off from a station, and a polite boy will walk up one side of the train car, handing out a little essay to each person. Once he has circled the whole train, he picks up the essays again, and some people pass him money. One of the cleverer operations is on weekend nights, when these ladies make the rounds to all of the bars, and sell flowers. For all of the poor intoxicated fellows who are finding frustration in showing their newfound affection for the other girls in the bar, these flower ladies are just perfect.

[foreigners are all 'friends']
There's a little simple piece of vocabulary I picked up: 'chingu'. It means 'friend'. But shopkeepers will also say to each other when I walk by their stores --here comes a foreigner, it means. Our friend is approaching. My friends explain that they also use it generally to refer to foreigners. And I've also seen it used to refer to people of the same age. I'm sure that there's more negative, complementary vocabulary, but I think that calling foreigners 'friends' is a little funny in a charming way. So, one day I'm walking with Chieun, my korean friend. We are passing an intersection, and she says, hey look, your friends. A glance over and see a dozen or so white people. Haha, I say, always funny, all the foreigners are each others' friends, I get it. Then I look again. I recognize the faces of these people. "Oh hey, Hi guys!" It turns out it's a group of Canadian english teachers I had met and kind of befriended the previous week. "Yeah... those actually were my friends," I say sheepishly.

[Cosmetic stores are one big free-for-all.]
There is a common practice, whereby cosmetic stores pretty much give unlimited free samples to anyone who wants them. I was surprised when Chieun would walk in, put on a layer of lipstick, and leave without paying or shopping at all. But then I looked around, and noticed that all of these cosmetic shops were full of girls doing the same thing --in and out. Pretty convenient I guess.

[Korea has too many special days]
It's hard not to notice all of the special promotions going on everywhere. The convenience stores selling differently-packaged candy. Bakeries selling.... differently packaged cakes. It seemed there was always another promotion going on, so I had to ask my friends about it. We all know the basic made-up commercial holidays by now, starting with the USA's own Valentine's Day on February 14th. A very popular export. Korea, like Japan, gives it the specific definition of 'the day on which girls must give chocolate to either every guy they know, or just some of them'. Japanese and Korean confectionary companies pair this holiday with 'White Day', one month later on March 14th, where it is expected that all guys who received chocolate the previous month must give BACK white chocolate to the girls in repayment. It seems unfair, right? Why should these couples get all of the fun of giving food to each other? Korea answered that concern, with a little holiday called 'Black Day'. On April 14th, singles get together and celebrate their loneliness by eating black noodles. Which is an awesome idea.

But there's more, I learned. Korea has been accumulating strange holidays at an enormous rate. It seems three months of holidays on the 14th was a kind of critical mass, which soon gave rise to a saturation of the whole calendar. Various commercial industries have made quick work of filling every month with a nice consumer holiday on the 14th. Here they are:

January 14th Diary Day -Buy your sweetheart a diary!
May 14th Rose Day - Give them a rose! Or a ROSE CAKE!
June 14th Kiss Day - kiss the person (people? ) who gave you a roses the previous month. OR GIVE THEM A KISS CAKE!
July 14th: Silver Day -Give them something silver. OR GIVE THEM A CAKE WITH SILVER FROSTING!
August 14th: Green Day - for enjoying nature together . Or: A day for drinking Soju (a korean alcohol) outside. OR GIVE THEM A GREEN CAKE!
September 14th: Photo Day - take pictures together! OR... (yes!) GIVE THEM A CAKE WITH THEIR PHOTO ON IT!
October 14th: Wine Day - drink wine together!
November 14th: Movie Day - watch a movie together!
November 11th: (11/11) 'Peppero™' Day, the day during which you are supposed to buy Peppero brand cookie sticks. For your sweetheart, or something.
December 14th: Hug Day - ummm. I'm not sure this one is as easy to sell. But I saw teddy bears on sale, and also heart-shaped piles of boxes of cookies.

It seems a little bit much. But I do appreciate the number of opportunities to eat cake.

[The president is out of his mind]
The reports from my coworkers started coming in more and more frequently. "Charlie, Myongbak did another crazy thing."
Yes, the new President Myongbak, only a few months into his 5 year term, has been very busy.
His main problem seems to be a communication with the press. He says a lot of things that are, according to him, misunderstood. He is plagued by misunderstandings.
For example: he says something in public, like 'there are exactly 50 reasons why X is important.' Meanwhile, there's someone working for him who has to frantically compile this list, after the claim, and publish it in order to back him up. Later, when questioned about it, he denies he ever said it in the first place.
More recently: in defense of his master plan for construction of the National Canal from Seoul to Pusan, he broke into English at one point. The press was questioning him and critical of his ridiculous canal plan, which could prove to be an environmental disaster. After switching to English, he said that it's not actually a canal at all. No, not a canal. It's merely a 'waterway'. Then he switched languages back to Korean. Next question.

He also had some problems when he reorganized the different ministries of the president for his administration. In his new reorganization, there were numerous confusing merges and resulting names. Consider the merging of the Ministry of Finance and Economy and the Ministry of Planning and Budget. Together, they became the Ministry of Strategy and Finance, which is not exactly clear. (Perhaps in Korean the name is better, but the newspapers were even reporting on the bad english names...) Also, there's the Ministry of Knowledge Economy, which is composed of the Commerce, Economy and Industry Ministry and parts of the Information and Communication Industry and the Science and Technology Ministry. 'Ministry of Knowledge Economy?' Not only is it confusing, it's kind of scary sounding.

Then he even made a trip to Japan, where he apparently, in the words of my coworker: 'apologized to Japan for WW2'. More accurately, he apologized for Korea being uppity about Japan's history, in the interest of warming relations. Along with this announcement, he made plans to suspend a kind of political action committee, which had been put into place to investigate companies and people who had profited from cooperating with Japanese occupation so long ago. Judging from Myongbak's background, it might seem that such investigations are against his best interests, and curtailing such investigations as an act of diplomacy is killing two birds with one stone. Certainly, though, the apology is insensitive, to say the least, to many Korean families affected by the war.

Of course, it's not merely misunderstandings that plague the president. He's frequently under investigation for past dubious financial shenanigans in various companies he's presided over.

And his plan to privatize the Korean medical insurance system is not seeing much popular support. He wants the system to be 'more like in the US'. It didn't help things that the movie 'Sicko' was released widely here a few weeks ago, which got people pretty hysterical about the president's plans to ruin their non-broken system. He's also had some plans to privatize other things: the highway system, the water system --basically anything he can get his hands on. These plans are similarly unpopular with most people.

Now, it would be prudent at this point to try to remember why this man was elected to the highest office, if so many people seem to have problems with what he's actually doing. Well, the opposing party was boring, and had been unsuccessful at getting their projects done. Myongbak on the other hand: even if he was kind of crazy, at least 'knew how to get things done'. And as we all know, when there's a choice between a crazy candidate and a boring candidate, democracy seems to favor the latter.

A few weeks ago he visited Camp David and President Bush for some negotiations. Days later, Myongbak returned with an announcement that Korea would lift its ban on US beef imports. (And, it was revealed, would agree to minimal inspection and quality standards.) An angry press responded: "What did you get in return for this 'negotiation'?" Well, that was it. (presumably, some agreement to be 'tough' on North Korea was involved, but that was going on anyways). Pictures appeared of Myongbak yucking it up at Camp David, of him smiling and having what looked like a great time. The government put out an 'embargo' on press coverage of these pictures.

For the past month or so, even leading up to Myongbak's negotiation with the US, there was rather wide coverage of the US beef industry and their recently publicized infractions and awful standards. Korean news loved covering it, showing those clips of the cows falling over almost every night. They also did behind the scenes reports on how beef raising differs around the world. So, with the public primed and ready in this state of caution and fear toward US beef, Myongbak's negotiation created quite the stir. The public went into full-on protest mode. Within a few days, there were massive protests organized near Seoul city hall.

[more meat problems abound]
There are a number of other factors that make the US beef imports such a hot issue. The biggest concern, however, is Mad Cow Disease. People are downright frightened of it. For good reason, because based on the actions of the government, it would appear under some interpretations that the government WANTS to give them Mad Cow. But here are the facts, as presented from the protesting side, some of which may be dubious (you'll have to forgive me, because I am by no means an expert on any of this):
-The deal reached with the US allowed export of meat from cows of any age. Typically, there is an upper limit to the age of the cows whose beef is accepted. Japan sets it at 20 months, the US consumers and most of the rest of the world limit it to 30 months or so. It decreases chance of the cow consuming or otherwise developing Mad Cow, among other concerns.
-The imported US beef will be one quarter of the price of current beef. Meaning that there will be a very quick changeover by restaurants in order to compete, meaning that for the average person there is no way of avoiding the potentially dangerous meat (unless they give up beef altogether, which is hard to do here).
-Korean cuisine frequently make use of parts of the cow that are most susceptible to prion development, and hence are more likely to get Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, the human variant of Mad Cow.
-Some even argue that there is some study that shows that Koreans are somehow 'genetically' predetermined to suffer more from Creutzfeldt-Jakob than other humans.

Now, no matter what you think here, one thing is clear in this case: the President completely ruined whatever kind of trust people had for the government. Now, the common opinion seems to be that the government, with the help of the US beef industry, actually actively wants to poison them to death. ('Even China has higher standards for US beef imports!' many claim.)

But that's not the only meat problem. Just the other week, there was a Bird Flu scare in Seoul. After a few days of other measures, they eventually had to kill all poultry in the city to contain the epidemic. The whole area. Dead.
They don't call it Bird Flu. On the news, they only refer to it as 'AI', standing for Avian Influenza. At some point in the past, the poultry industry had sued or somehow otherwise forced the press to stop referring to it as Bird Flu (in korean), and start referring to it only as this mysterious obfuscated 'AI'.

[protesting is hip]
So the Mad Cow protests have become a nearly daily activity here. At least, every weekend there are Mad Cow protests or marches staged. And they are extremely popular, too. Students come from all around the city to spend the night together at the protest, which is run a little differently than I expected.
An area is registered beforehand, and people in adorable cow suits and 'sick' face masks hand out candles to everyone who comes. (The cow suits are identical (sans face mask) to those I've seen promoting beef restaurants.) After receiving their candles and lighting them, everyone finds a place to sit down, and on stage speaker after speaker comes up to savagely shame the government, or tell an amusing story, or tell everyone to get together. And people are cuddling around, napping a bit, but generally are having a good time.
My coworker tells me that a few years ago, another issue was very popular to protest, and many students attended very frequently. He guesses that for a lot of them, it was a very fun time. That maybe, just maybe, this new issue was so popular to protest because they all had a kind of nostalgia for the earlier protests. And hey, if a protest merely entails sitting together on a warm night under candlelight with other young people who share your views, it seems like a nice way to spend time and meet friends.

I've seen a lot of crowd gathering in the last month, in fact. Before this Mad Cow business erupted, I got to see the Olympic torch relay kickoff. I went with my Chinese friend Xingxing to the event, even though she originally had not intended to go. When we arrived at Olympic park, the place was already swarming. Not only was there an impressive gathering of people there, but the Chinese flags were everywhere as well. Girls were draped in Chinese flags, guys had Chinese flags painted on their cheeks, and this one guy was trying to stuff as many miniature flags in his shoes as he possibly could (which fell out after he took one step). After setting off from the Olympic park, the torch snaked its way through town on a top secret route. Eventually I accidentally bumped into the torch again on my way home.

The whole event was pretty strange to me. The majority of celebrants (maybe around half) were Chinese people -students and others- all joining together in some kind of display of national pride, and maybe that other vague positive togetherness feeling that the Olympics invoke. There were chants of 'go china' and such which, as when anything is repeated by a crowd of thousands, sounds a little aggressive. 'China! fighting!'
China and Chinese people seem to be the most popular subject of racism and ridicule in this country, as far as I can tell. They're looked down upon in subtle and unsubtle ways. And of course, in light of this status, seeing such a group of students and other Chinese people together to celebrate the achievement of their nation was pretty... nice, charming, something, to me.

But then there's more to it, of course. The turnout for the event was also more than a little 'defensive'. The opposition groups were in attendance, I noted: Signs claiming "Say no to Chinese propaganda," and "Free Tibet", etc. Though these were not very large or loud protests, at least from what I could see. And the thousands and thousands of Seoul police forces were well-pepared for any assaults on the torch if it came to that. Nevertheless, the huge attendance of Chinese people must have at least been, in part, a reaction to the protests at previous torch-relays across the world. There was more than a little organized motivation for Chinese citizens to go 'protect' the torch. So they come for many reasons, some to defend the ceremony, defend their nation, defend their identity. It's one of those cases where race, culture, language, geography, and politics are mixed together into a singular personal concept, which seems to be not uncommon in this end of the world.
The whole gathering was largely peaceful, from what I saw. Even 'nice' as I said above. But before I went to sleep that night I had seen on tv a clip of some Chinese students in a building (later, around the end of the relay) surrounding and yelling at a man, some of them hitting him with Chinese flags and beating him. A few other cases of violence were also reported, where some Chinese students would get into fights with Korean protestors. So then by the next day, some Koreans responded by saying they felt 'under attack in their own country'. Then there was rumored cases of violent retaliation against Chinese students. The whole ugly mess. Embarrassing for everyone. The defensiveness that both sides feel is understandable, but utterly embarrassing and inexcusable.

[May is nothing but festivals]
But there have been more unambiguously pleasant gatherings as well!
Buddha's Birthday parade, which continued for hours. So many grandmas marching, and contingents of grandpas in wheel chairs, and all flavors of Buddhists well-represented. Colorful floats, including elephants, dragons, and giant inflatable race cars!

There were school festivals too:
My coworker Hyeun wanted to bring me to the neighboring school, Sungkyunkwan University, on the week of their school festival. Which is kind of like a homecoming, but more universal than those that I've experienced elsewhere. The festival even put to shame the campuswide school festivals I saw in Japan. For four days straight the school was in celebration mode. Various school clubs would run games and sell things outside. And the main athletic field of the school was decked out and hosting various bands. And later at night, still more school clubs made up little 'taverns' on a field, and they sold beer and snacks to customers sitting on homemade cardboard box tables in the grass. Which was adorable to me, but I noted with regret that that kind of thing would never play back home. After partaking of such snacks, me and Hyeun made our way to the concert area, because he wanted to catch the currently-popular band 'Wonder Girls' make their stage appearance.
I don't know much about Korean music. What I do know is that there seem to be only about 5 songs played in a random order, no matter where I am. On the street, in a restaurant, on TV, it always seems like the same five songs. There's the one with the girl saying "tell me, tell me, te te te te te tell me", and there's the one where the guy says "tell me that you love me and I...", and there's others with similar hooks that I recognize. So it wasn't SO surprising to me that the third song in the Wonder Girls' concert was... yes, "tell me, tell me, te te te te te tell me". One of the few songs that I could distinguish was in fact by the one band I go out to see randomly. It's a small world.

The next week I was invited to another school festival by my coworker's younger sister Sujin. This festival seemed even bigger, and had another big show going on at the outdoor auditorium. Between bands going on stage and performing, professors from various departments would get on stage and play guitar and sing classic songs, or do a karaoke performance of some pop song, with the students all groaning or cheering them. The bands at this event all seemed to be boy bands though. One notable example was one that Sujin said was named '5 men and a baby'. It sounded suspicious. So five guys get on stage, and proceed to sing a song about... apparently all five of them raising a baby together. Behind them video of the five guys taking care of a child plays. The actual child is nowhere in sight. After the first song... they talk a little bit, and then sing several MORE songs about raising a baby. Warning bells are going off in my brain, and I just hope hope hope that it's not as bad as it seems. It COULDN'T be that bad, but I do hope the baby actually has a real family, besides this randomly created grouping of pop-singers and their corporate producers. But perhaps I'll never know.

And one day I went on a walk with my friend Inhae, and visited the Cheongdeokgung palace, which was staging a historical day. There were actors dressed up in royal fare, Korean dynasty style kings and queens and jesters all dancing and parading and putting on performances. After this, we went across town to check out some music at a related festival, but we got lost and accidentally entered a gathering for a 'free trade' festival. And on the way back from that, we bumped into a more corporate concertgoing on, promoting a new product or something. There was a famous singer there performing. We got a bite to eat, and when we came out again, the equipment for this concert was being taken down, and space was being cleared for ANOTHER even in the same space. The space was being handed over to a Mad Cow protest, of course, made obvious by some cow costumed people and banners asking the president "Why don't YOU eat mad cow?" I walked a few blocks down, and ran into yet another event. Some kind of light and music show, celebrating Seoul. After watching some music, I checked back in with the Mad Cow protest next door.

It was a pretty ridiculous day, and I felt amazed at how much activity takes place here. So many parks, so many people, so many reasons to gather.

The city feels so ALIVE. And I enjoy that. Of course, it's no different than so many other cities. There's always something going on somewhere. But I especially feel it here due to everything being in such close proximity, such easy access. If something big is happening, it will happen in any of less than a dozen places, all of which I could get to by walking for less than half an hour. Perhaps I'm easily impressed, but it feels quite amazing to be part of that. And between the piles of garbage in the streets, and the beautified fountains and parks mere meters away, there is a pleasant range of experience here. Earlier this evening I heard yet another protest marching just outside of my apartment window, demanding new direction in their government. And at work this afternoon, there were two guys yelling loudly at each other in the hall, almost ready to fight --in the dental materials research building on the medical school campus of the nation's most prestigious school. How strange and amazing is that?

And somehow it still feels pretty... normal.

Many new pictures available at:
http://chookbobberki.110mb.com/CharlieKoreaWeb5/

Sun, 25 May 2008 18:15:28 GMT

Went dancing for the first time in ages last night.
Attempted to convince Japanese and Korean friends to come along, but they were too scared because the club was in the bad part of town (By the military base).
But I showed up at the club by my solo-self, and they had the whole swanky outfit where large guys in suits determine who is eligible for entry. Mostly, I think, to prevent GIs from coming in and causing a ruckus. But also to keep out scrubs.

When I made it in (and I may have been under a slight influence of spirits from earlier in the evening, but:) I was witness to perhaps the densest group of attractive-looking people I've ever seen. Seriously, like ever. Maybe they were all rich and well-dressed and plastic-surgeried or what, but the cumulative effect was pretty daunting. Anyways, I realize that this is what it is like in big cities. There are fancy pantses about, and they like to commiserate. And I infiltrated their den. (As the night wore on, the attractivity-density decreased somewhat, but whatever)
My motivator was that BT was DJ-ing at the club that night, and I wanted to check it out. And he was good, awesome in fact, at whatever it is DJs do. Alternately playing for and against the expectations of the crowd, or something. The specifics of the art form are beyond me, I think. But I definitely appreciate the results.

And there's so many people around, dancing and watching each other. The eyes flitting about. Mouths curved in variations of smiles. Sensory overload. And the eyes and smiles, they are pleasant lies. There's always the chance that the gaze coming your way is on you, and that you are producing it. And then there's more chances that it is not, but you don't care. And you spread it, you look back and smile and bombard the opposite area with your positive signal. Possibly setting off further reactions. This feedback continues, and feeds the night, amplifies the dance. The crowd pulsates, the music crescendos, and then... then the fricking laser machines kick in and shower the crowd in futuristic light beams, like our energy is being scanned by an alien sensor device, downloading our animalistic enjoyment for further study. And just when things seem to be getting too hot, water vapor spurts from the ceiling. Just slightly cooler to the skin than the surrounding air, but further serving to destroy visibility briefly. As it clears again, the room's occupants have shuffled, the eyes are all new. And the cycle continues again. Everyone in this process is equally important, and that is the illusion that powers the whole system. Another pair of smiling eyes, another potential promise of connection, sliding through this mechanical mess of a society.

Good time. Good dancing.

Some things

Sat, 03 May 2008 15:00:49 GMT

Due to being out of town yesterday, I was unable to make it to the bank --the town I went to was pretty much owned by a local bank branch, so no locations, and my bank hasn't given me a card for ATM use. I have alternate methods of payment, but I am kind of cheap so I'm going to go through the weekend with only the few bucks I have in my pocket (plus my change pile).
Right now I'm enjoying slacker dinner theater: instant ramen + hardboiled egg from supermarket + remains of coca-cola bottle from fridge + perhaps some leftover sweet-potato cake from last week
+ bad quality stream of harold and kumar over borrowed wireless internet
And since it's ridiculously hot out, I'll go for a midnight walk later, and enjoy the ambling of the drunk people while I listen to tunes.

*
Being in Kwangju yesterday was pretty interesting. I forget how big the difference is between Seoul and the rest of the country. While I feel weird sometimes in Seoul about being a foreigner, outside of Seoul it's like a circus side-show. All the faces look my way, and bands of children walk past, then say hi, then turn around and start following me. "I'm fine thanks!" they say. "How old are you?" "Do you like Kimchi?" Drive by english spam, because a lot of the kids don't even care about the response, they just want to fire off more of their phrases --but good for them, for trying to do well. Another guy in the park started up a more substantial mini-conversation, which was pretty strange.

*
A guy on BBC radio the other night used the expression "...scored an embarrassing 'own goal' by...", while describing an incident of a soccer star who was being blackmailed for picking up prostitutes that turned out to be transvestites.

*
During my train travel I read this article I had printed out, and it was a really well-written and depressing feature on a soldier serving in Iraq making his way home. Really really sad and moving stuff. I guess I haven't read many stories like this recently (maybe a few years ago when it was more 'hip'). I have the tendency of dehumanizing soldiers often (as our politicians do), and it's good to read this and make corrections to my perspective. The sheer numbers have been frightening enough (4090~ dead, ten times as many wounded, trillions of dollars and counting, and a 'bonus statistic' I read today that 1 in 3 female soldiers is raped during service), but sometimes it takes stories like this to invest the interest in a more personal way. The result is nauseating and affecting. (You can't spell motivation without 'vomit'?)

*
Anyways, from what I see of American news (and as a result the whole American conversation) these days, it still seems to be ridiculous garbage, like competitions of whose pastor is crazier, whose 'support' should be regarded or disregarded (renounced or denounced or withdrawn or repudiated), who is being 'backstabbed' or 'thrown under a bus', and it's such bullshit. People think a lot of crazy things, but they all have reasons, and a lot of those reasons can be shared. Our world is crazy right now. And even the people who seem like the best hope for the future pull the same goddamned safe political maneuvering, at the expense of their fundamental strengths, in order to poll a little higher, and meanwhile the actual real world is still filling up with dead bodies by the day, and money is disappearing into the hands of the undeserving through invisible channels, and I'm surprised there aren't more angry people, angry people with crazy and stupid but understandable reasons for their anger, and... well, I'm a little lost but you get the idea.
Frustrations with everything.

Land of the rising fun! (of the scary variety)

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 16:00:52 GMT

(If you are squeamish, you should skip this whole post. Or better yet, you should skip it anyway. Humanity is fine, nothing to see here. )
Well, I saw a strange news report about Japan on the internet today. Here is the video link.
Even if you don't know Japanese, see if you can figure out what happened.
--Yeah, a guy jumping out of his apartment committing suicide landed on a lady who was riding her bike. He died, and she hurt her leg.
While checking out that strange little piece of news, I found another recent news
item. Which is a little more frightening.
I remember about this guy from a year ago. I'd thought that he had been caught by now. But it seems like he's been just 'hanging out' in like, my old neighborhood for the past year playing pachinko and possibly dressing up as a woman. He was the main suspect in the eerie murder of a british woman last summer. They don't mention the creepiest part of the incident though.
--Her body was found in a bathtub that was completely full of sand. That creeps me out to the extreme.
And finally, my friend Dave just added another (older) story to the list of crazy Japanese depravity. It's a guy they call 'The Paris Cannibal'. The wikipedia entry tells the story pretty succinctly.
--So he studied abroad in Paris, killed, raped and feasted on a girl, was deported back to Japan, then went on to become a celebrity who reviewed restaurants and wrote books.
So this makes me feel a little safer from crazies here in Korea. At least in the South. If only out of ignorance.

On a lighter note: on the television just now, I watched for fifteen minutes as tv celebrities played a game of Jenga together. No commercials. Some fancy editing techniques to increase suspense. But: Fifteen minutes. Of Jenga.

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 16:21:20 GMT

Charlie Korea update 4

My return to Korea after the holidays was strange. From frozen Minneapolis right into the frozen Seoul. The city was still decked out for the holidays, christmas lights lining all of the dense commerce areas. And ice on the streets --no snow, except for a few nights: just ice. And an absurd amount of darkness -perhaps without accumulated snow to reflect the sunlight, there is a relative light deficiency.

The first task awaiting me was obtaining my Alien Registration Card. The immigration office was, like I imagine it must be in every country: crowded, uncomfortable, and full of Southeast Asians. There was also a very white guy with a large hat. After two and a half hours of waiting, my chance came. They convinced me to hand my passport over to them and promised they would give it back in a week. In exchange, I got a one page receipt written in mysterious Korean. For that whole week, I had zero identification. I also forgot that I needed my passport to get money from the bank, so I was on a constrained budget. But it worked out in the end, because when I came back I got my passport and an additional Official ID card. That's right: thenceforth, I became LEGAL. No more complicated payment transactions! I was also now on the road to getting some kind of insurance from my employer, in the event of extensive bodily harm to yours truly.

Namdaemun

In early February my friend Ryan from back in Minnesota visited from Japan. Among other things, I went with him and our friend Min to the Namdaemun gate. This is the 'southern big gate', designated as Korea's number one national treasure. You could walk right up to and through the gate, which was kind of special. I especially liked this amazing painted wood beneath the gate portraying two dragons in pleasant colors --I think I took pictures of these last fall. Anyways, a week after our visit there in february, there was big news on the television: the Namdaemun Gate had been burned down.

The imagery was all over the television, showing firefighters going at it all night with their gigantic hoses dribbling lamely into the inferno. Despite their efforts, the gate was a total loss. The structure was around 500 years old. It had miraculously been spared the ire of the Japanese occupation, due to its historical significance (A Japanese general famously passed through the gate to conquer the city). It had been rebuilt a few times over the years, but some of the wood, up until this fire, had been from the original.

The man responsible for the arson gave himself up the next day. He was more than seventy years old, and apparently angry because of a property dispute with the government. Also he was pretty clearly not well in the head. He had already been put in jail for a while a few years back, for an unsuccessful arson of the famous Changdeokgung palace. He got the idea that the Namdaemun would be an easy target, because it was so devoid of protection. The news showed very detailed 3d reproductions of how this man entered the gate and exactly where he spread the fuel for the fire.

The next day, people gathered around the burned down structure, crying and paying their respects and --some of them-- making crazy demonstrations. A few days later, the city built a forty foot wall around it, putting it completely out of sight of the commuters.

There was scandal, however. Blame placed on Lee Myongbak, that current President of Korea who had decided to 'open up' access to the Namdaemun gate during his time as mayor of Seoul. And more blame on the fire department for inadequate response --when they did get to the gate, they were overly cautious and refrained from cutting into the structure to get at the source of the fire. Then, one week later, in an irony strike: the fire station had a fire, and there was again an inadequate response. The building hadn't even been equipped with sprinklers --against fire code.

The new president started the year off by making grand plans. There was a road bump when someone in his cabinet announced a plan to teach all subjects in English. This was scaled back to a major plan to 'Teach English in English'. To me and perhaps most people, this sounds like common sense. But the idea met with a lot of opposition: most English teachers here DON'T teach English in English. Many old English teachers teach 'by the book' and speak little to no English in class. And this includes veteran teachers. As part of the 'teach english in english' initiative, Myong Bak hopes to recruit many native speakers with little to no teaching experience --wives and college students -- in the hopes of increasing English education. I guess between the inexperienced native speakers and the experienced non-speakers, I really am not sure who I'd prefer to learn English from (from whom I'd prefer to learn English).

Spring

Springtime has arrived. With it? The yellow sand.
I had heard little of this phenomenon until very recently, when everybody started talking about it. The yellow sand comes in the spring time from deserts in China. It gets in the air in Korea here, causing the sky to turn a different shade of yellow. Full-blown sandstorms occur in the South (pun incidental). But almost everywhere, the sand silently builds up outdoors. And also, inside of people's lungs, or something.

When talking about the yellow sand, no one even tries to hide resentment toward China --terrible, they say. I can't say I'm an expert on this kind of thing myself, but it seems a little bit unfair to chalk it all up to Chinese carelessness. Then again, dangerous yellow sand invisibly flying through the air from a specific source is pretty scary. Good old fashioned pollution is one thing --but the idea of mysterious sand getting in my lungs is somehow more unsettling, somehow.

Spring is for entrance to college! And the workplace! A few weeks ago, I ran across several different letter-jacket garbed orientation groups shouting songs and dipping in and out of various bars. In the same district, there were military uniform-clad lads singing similar songs. Then on another day, I saw three lines of uniformed ladies in front of a branch of Shin-han Bank shouting out something in unison, a large-headed costume caricature of an old businessman in front of them.

A few friends that I've made are in jobhunting mode. One new thing I've learned about here that I hadn't known in Japan was about a specific type of 'study group'. My friend Chloe says that she had to 'try out' for entrance to a study group of about 8 people, from various universities. None of them know each other, but they are all driven by a desire to get a good job in hotel or airline hospitality fields. So as a study group, they all work on their resumes and share knowledge of different companies and positions --highly efficient, and no wasted time on silliness. Chloe said that she had already belonged to a similar study group, but that they had become too close of friends, and were no longer efficient. Which I think is a whole fascinating thing.

So, there is a huge expectation for some job applicants here that they get 'mandatory english skills'. My friend Min told me that it is usual for girls to spend 5 years in college: 4 years of university curriculum, plus one year studying english (either abroad, or at a language school). They need the English score from the TOEFL (a major English test) to apply to jobs or grad school. I don't know whether this phenomenon is exactly true for males, also, because their situation is even more complex.

The mandatory military service is a strange thing. I've mentioned it before, but I will explain a bit more. All men here, at the age of 20, have to sign up for military service. This usually lasts two years. And the guys are usually half way through college at the point that they leave, and return later to finish their curriculum. This imminent service is pretty strange. Those who go might not see their very family and friends much for the whole time. They might get assigned to exercises at the airport, or guarding the mountains to the north, or patrolling the perimeter of the American military base.

Some of my coworkers were influenced heavily by the service. Eunghee told me how he was a big slacker, and that the discipline he learned during military service turned his life around and made him a harder worker. Hyeun had a similar story: he was a slacker at the beginning of college, but he was suddenly inspired by the fear of military service to work very hard and apply for a more prestigious study program in order to exempt him from the service. So there are good things to come from it, though most people I talk to refer to it only as an unfortunate rite of passage; a waste of two years of youth.

It also adds an interesting dynamic to relationship equations: after the boys (now men?) return from service, their female classmates are all two years younger than them. I won't delve into the possible social side effects of this, but one can imagine.

Miscellaneous

The whole 'combining work and home' thing I noticed before has taken new heights. Before I had been put off by how much time some of my coworkers would spend at the lab --it becomes more than there work space, but also where they stay to have fun, watch downloaded movies, etc. This was strange. Then, I paid more attention and realized that the guard for our building never seems to leave. As a matter of fact, he has a little room near the entrance of the building, with a bed and a television. So... he DOESN'T leave. Then there are people in my neighborhood whose houses are so full of commodities ready to be sold that there is barely space for them to sleep. Just rugs rugs and more rugs, and there they are, even late at night, still at work. And on a walk last night, I saw what looked like a fruitstand storefront. Except the transparent glass of the closed store revealed that there was a man inside lying on a mattress in his underwear watching television. Piles of oranges all around him.
Perhaps I take it for granted that people have a refuge from the biggest difficulties in life, but this is not the case all around.

Again, what have I actually done in the past while? Not too much. I think that the return to a familiar Korean routine, and the onset of winter's darkness and laziness (and not to mention, my lack of Korean skills) resulted in a lack of motivation on my part. Also, importantly, many of my friends from the fall were either out of the city or out of the country entirely during this time between semesters. I found myself staying in, going to safe places very often. But intermittently, I would build up the nerve to do as I had used to, and find new places and try to meet people. Okay, I feel a little strange that a lot of my encounters with strangers are had at pubs. I'd never thought that these would be places I would actually go to for company. However, in the absence of classmates, school clubs, or Korean language capabilities, this most timeless of communities now seems like the right tool for the job.
When I DID get up the courage to go out, I was often rewarded with the unexpected:

-Meeting an old British guy at a pub, who had grown up and shipped off to serve in the WW2, and who now did editorial work for the local newspaper and helped his friend run a deli in Seoul.
-Finding a bar that caters to Japanese people --everyone speaks Japanese. I played darts with the owner and some Japanese guys who were in a band. Later at 2am when the bar was closing, the Korean proprietor of a neighboring bar called 'LP', invited me and the bartenders over to his bar/home for a home-cooked meal. He played Nirvana and jazz and then Beethoven.
-Meeting many strangers who have secret English skills. These people are generally some flavor of Christianity, and love to engage in friendly battles over my soul, and I in good humor attempt to take theirs in turn. One of them said he enjoyed our conversation so much he wanted to offer me a job tutoring his high school students for pretty good bucks.
-Wandering. Always wandering, my forever-schtick. I feel so rewarded to see new sites in places close and far. Glimpses of old ladies in their houses making carpets near my apartment;
-Meeting a chinese bartender who is here studying the Korean language, and who works ridiculous hours in addition to attending language classes. We speak broken English, sometimes facilitated by roughly translating Chinese terms into Japanese ones.
-Dancing --once in a club that was terribly crowded, another almost completely empty. Though I didn't manage to talk to anyone (besides strange guys tapping me on the shoulder) being in the vicinity of people and convulsing to random electronic noises in unison was comforting and fulfilling in a way that is hard to describe.

Also:
My coworker Sung-jae was kind enough to invite me to spend the day with his family one day: his wife, baby, and sisters. We played a board game traditionally played on the Chinese new year, which was quite engaging. Then Grandma showed up and I learned how to bow more properly. Then we went to sing Karaoke which is always heart-warming. Later I got to go biking with his sisters by the river, and it felt absolutely amazing. They rent really old bikes there, one of the few places in the city that seems bike-safe.

The following is related only to food, and should maybe be skipped:

The first I will describe is a hotdog encounter. There is a little hotdog shop not too far from my house. One night I found myself craving a hotdog for some nostalgic reason or other. The food image I had in my head was the classic ballpark frank, a pretty fake and horrifying concoction but holding a pleasant familiarity. Well, as I said it was at night and I was hungry, and I'd just been disappointed to find out that my favorite Kebab stand had been closed down. In this time of desperation, I saw the sign that promised 'New York Hotdogs' and I was won over. I went in and ordered one. Three bucks. A few minutes later, I got it in a little hotdog sized paper dish. On top of the dog was a squiggly line of what looked like E-Z-Cheese. The bun was moist. It didn't look that great, but it had to be at least okay! I'd paid good money for it, and I was going to enjoy it! So I took a bite: It was horrible. It tasted exactly like what a priori one would imagine a hotdog tasted like given all the explicit details of its genetic makeup. The fake cheese and soggy bun did not help. No, this did not even have the hint of mildness of the ballpark frank. It was bordering on Spam, in fact, but somehow worse because it was being taken seriously, in its little carton container. I was the only one in the hotdog shop, except for the guy working there. Out of courtesy, I took another bite, only to realize that this may be the worst thing I've eaten ever. I sat in the shop for fifteen minutes reading a book, hiding the half-eaten dog from the worker. After that, I held the hotdog at my side as I exited, hoping he did not see. Down the street I went, cradling this pitiful thing sideways between both hands, like chinese handcuffs. People passed me, curious looks on their faces. At last, I found an open garbage bag in which to deposit the monstrosity. I bought convenience store ramen that night, hopefully teaching myself a lesson of some sort, though I forget exactly what it was. (Sadly a few weeks later I bought another promising-smelling hot dog from a different stand, and threw away that one as well. Lesson learned yet?)

Did you know? Garbage bags are sold here by the city district. Garbage bags and stickers. If trash is not official, it is not picked up. The district has this really odd yellow mascot figure, like the end of a banana with a smiley face on it. So it's curious to look down the street and see piles and piles of bags with this whimsical character.

Okay, I set out one day to find the best burger in town, and learned something important about Korean food. I'd had pretty good, if overpriced, burgers at KrazeBurger, a chain restaurant near my home, but I wanted the potential best. So I looked online, and found some pubs in the foreigner district. I went to a seemingly good one, and ordered myself their best burger. What came looked okay, but there was something wrong with it. Once I finished, I realized the problem: the slice of super-processed cheese stuck in there like some chemical byproduct. Aside from the cheese, it would have been edible and even tasty. But the fake cheese ruins everything. They rely on these horrible slices of cheese often when making western style food --good cheese here is very hard to come by. And unfortunately even mid range restaurants with otherwise quality food will ruin dishes by incorporating this horrible horrible cheese. They put it everywhere --even in traditional Korean food, or Japanese food, or soups (where this piece of unholy cheese floats over the top). So, it's something I watch out for, now.

Still weirding me out:
-The soup with a gigantic fishhead floating in it, eyeballs and everything.
-This creature I see in fish tanks outside of seafood restaurants. My coworker tells me that it's name is the same as the term for a certain piece of a dog's anatomy.
-I found out that some food I had tasted was actually manta ray! I never thought I would check that one off the list of life forms I've consumed... pride or shame?
-I had a cup of warm pupae! They tasted like baked beans!

Fun fact:
I believe I had a vitamin deficiency last month!

Pictures can be found at:
http://www.chookbobberki.110mb.com/CharlieKoreaWeb4/index.html

I get to complain sometimes ('at the movies' edition)

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 16:33:08 GMT

Well I went this Sunday to the closest theater showing my most anticipated movie of the past few years (two and a half months after it was released in the US).

About fifty minutes into the movie, light floods into the theater from the door at the back, and someone says in loud English: "They already started the movie! They started the movie ten minutes early!" Over the next several minutes, this hysterical white woman (and I use 'hysterical' in the racist sense rather than the sexist sense) keeps spazzing out loudly in the hallway, and saying "How can you start the movie ten minutes early?! Arrrrgggghhhh! Why did you start the movie ten minutes early??" She literally screams out 'Arrrrrggggghhh', several times. Like, pronouncing every 'r' and 'g' and even 'h'.

There are no other voices, just this lady's, and it continues saying pretty much the same things, all of it very audible from within the theater. Everyone in there is getting uncomfortable. Then she opens the door to the theater again, while Eli Sunday is on the screen delivering a chilling exorcism, and this lady's saying "See? It's already started! Why would you start it ten minutes early?"

I get my shoes back on and climb over the poor couple sitting next to me, and I run out to the hall. I want to punch someone.

I interrupt her and the super-nervous looking Korean employee she's yelling at.
"Look," I say quietly, "this show started at 1:55 it was clearly labeled it's been on for an hour and would you please be quiet because we're watching the movie in there."

"Yes," she says, still loudly, "it should start at 1:55, and it's not even 2 o clock yet!"

"It's three oclock," I say. The Korean guy agrees, showing his watch to the lady.
I look at her watch, and I tell her it's an hour behind.

"Oh my god," she says, almost starting to show a hint of humility. But then she takes it a whole other direction: "Well, I wish HE could have told me that sooner!" Referring to the theater employee and his lack of English skills.

I really wanted to say that maybe if she was speaking Korean to him it'd have gone smoother, eh? I wanted to say maybe if she'd looked at the numerous clocks all around the fricking cineplex she'd have known what time it was. But most of all, I wanted to say maybe if she hadn't thought she was the center of the universe, she would have had the decency to realize that she might be the one in error and not every single other person.

Instead I just shush her, finger to mouth, and I turn quickly to go back into the theater where I then creep into my seat, sizzling with intense embarrassment. The rest of the movie is awesome.

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:07:20 GMT

The ambitious Lee Myung-bak administration champions high hopes for its new Ministry of Knowledge Economy (MKE), but too bad the general English-speaking public ― at first glance of the awkward name ― is clueless on what the key body intends to do.

Because they are poison!

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 09:31:59 GMT

The hotdogs smell right.
The SunChips look right.

But they are not what they pretend to be! Do not fall for it again!

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:56:49 GMT

"It's time we moved from good words to good works, from sound bites to sound solutions," Clinton said.

A lie against the permanence of dreams

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 13:08:44 GMT

Somehow we all ended up on an airplane together. We're on vacation, you and me and the whole family and everyone. Uncle's there, grandma is there, I'm there. Grandma is uncomfortable about being on an airplane, but we take turns looking after her. You make a joke to me about how long this thing is taking. Uncle starts preparing some food on the top deck. I go up the wooden stairs to the attic to get a refreshment, and when I come back down, She¹ is sitting next to me. I'm in a pleasant mood, what with the whole family being here, so even though she¹ and I are not getting along, it's just fine.

By the time the airplane lands, uncle has already made lemonade for us out on the porch, so I walk out barefoot and enjoy it on the splinter-threateningly woody deck. "It's a great view, isn't it?" she² asks me. But she³ knows full well that it's an amazing view. One of the best, even. "What are you⁴ doing here with my family, anyways?"

"Don't you know why?" she⁴ asks, and we are embracing, nearly, or threaten to be. On top of the freezer, like the ones in convenience stores with ice cream in them. She⁵'s holding onto me while sitting sitting sitting up on the edge of it, and we've got ice cream cones on our hands, like the ones with the nuts and chocolate built into the cone right at the factory that kids bought for lunch in junior high. She⁶ is bent backwards and I'm close but I don't understand why we're not kissing. Then the past forms, and I am thus able to remember it.

"Didn't you have a boyfriend or something?" I ask. She¹ says "yes, at least now I do, but you didn't know that." And she⁶ says but doesn't say no, and that is a lie you share in. The attic is dark, and there is privacy everywhere, worldwide, and she⁷ has this amazing gown-thing on and she⁸'s kind of purring and the outfit she²'s wearing is actually more along the lines of a costume, something I would never admit to thinking of someone wearing, but she⁹'s, you know, ACTUALLY wearing it, so it's okay. But this time, when it seems like we are ready, and I'm holding her^x up completely, it is my turn to deny. The noises around us in the forest are too much, and I cannot help it. Maybe it's more like kind of eskimo-ish actually, the outfit, but that isn't the reason that--

"Oh come on," she^{(6 UNION 3)}says, "You can't possibly think that..." I'm not sure what it is. But I do think it. It is always wrong, there is never the time, never the coordination, never the shared moments, always apart. But then she^2x-3 is looking at me, and I realize that this impossibility to share is here. Here it is, with this victorian sofa, and the heated wooden floor, and her^{Sin (9x+6)}face (which is such a beautiful combination of such beautiful features of such beautiful girls, osc(int)illating) is everything in the world, and it devours universes and I no longer care about the fact that I'm on an airplane, or that we're all on vacation together --even you! or that the lemonade is going to attract bees because everything is all background for this, and nothing can stop it but...

"A lie."

The words pump directly into my brain, not a voice, not a font, just a force.

She⁰'s right there for me, and nothing can be any better.

But not: my hand reaches out first. And then my alarm clock goes off in an echo, an after-the-fact recreation of events that are not yet in place. "A lie against the permanence of dreams," are the words that fill my head, and I so want to understand what that means. What does that mean? And I look around and I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I want to go back. And what does that mean?

"A lie against the permanence of dreams," it repeats.

It's not that late though, and I could probably go to sleep again. I could go back. She's waiting. Whoever that was. Who was that, anyways? I need to go back to find out. It was good. These details are all falling away in the morning sun, and I need to go back to fill them in again. And what did that mean? I can be late for work today, I'll just go back to sleep.

She's no longer there, and I remember that she's what I want. I want to continue that embrace.

"A lie against the permanence of dreams," it says. And the words are all there is. The hint of that closeness is just a fading thing, inaccessible.

I accept these words then. I pretend that they mean something. And I pretend that I can understand that meaning. And I pretend it is significant.

The dream is not forever, and life, that sun that's shining in, is evidence of this. The cold air, the alarm clock. The girl in the dream feels so comfortable, so close, just around the corner in her many variations of identities but all so wonderful and mine.

And the words, with forced interpretation, evolve:

"No! Dreams are as unique and tragic as the events of real life! Every experience in this world is a singular and unrepeatable treat --even (and perhaps ESPECIALLY) imaginations and dreams."

But I want to believe that I can plug in again. That I can re-access those dreams that are so important. Her outfit. Her --that strange combination of hers that made her her.

"Sorry. But that alarm ring, the one that is about to come again and wake you from this additional dream state, is a fact. Reality is the lie, the lie that contradicts that permanence you so hope for. For this stability you want to dream yourself back into, this could very well be the only real permanent thing there ever was or will be (illusory or not). Know the dream, and know that the only truth in this world is this: no experience, no matter how trivial, no matter even how fake, will ever repeat again.

"That is the lie you must live."^*

1. She who let my love fall for her needlessly
2. She the one that let me be passionate and experience the consequences
3. She who doesn't deserve to be here
4. She the girl I wanted to save, but would not be
5. She who so suddenly never talked to me again
6. She that said on that night that she'd never felt so close to someone, whose lips felt me
7. She who actually could love
8. She that never knew how or how not to at once
9. She which was never a promise
10. She for whom how wasn't why but when
x. She who I realize is actually all of them at the same time, infinitely and infinitesimally all of them in a wonderful way. Unrepeatable, ever dynamic. None of them and all of them and always something also that is new and old, but unique. A lie. Amazing. This must be a dream, I realize finally, even after already registering it; this admission only comes now.

*The indefatigable hope of return also lies on, in defiance of life